i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize