Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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