Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
