based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
