I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
