If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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