We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Your dad touched me again.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
