You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
only you would photoshop your dick
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
