May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
