Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
