White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
