Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
