I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
