just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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