He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Floor bacon is actually really good
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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