I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
