my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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