Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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