Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
