So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
