:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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