Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it glows. i had to have it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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