you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
