Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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