I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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