I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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