Someone shit on the floor
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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