you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
