you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
