gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
