I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you win again, gameday.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
