I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
