Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
