where am i from again
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
