I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
