I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
