Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
