Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
