i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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