Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
