hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
