Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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