That's intense
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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