party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
