There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
