The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
