if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
