It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
