remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
