Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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