You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
