last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
