Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
