She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
3 2 1 whiskey
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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