"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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