best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
