went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize