did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ladies don't puke and tell
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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