He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i will never coherently bang her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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