just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
