around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we're making bets on your personal life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
