dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
