hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I want to be your penis for a week.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
please don't ironically join a cult
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