apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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