By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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