When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
