i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
