if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
