I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
