I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
