I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
