He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
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