It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
