Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
