New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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