I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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