so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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