there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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