So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
