I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
