I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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