It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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