Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
