He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You ruined the universe
Randomize
