At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
