Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
